Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class in Toronto, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his ass.

If you do not mind me saying,’ stated the second, ‘that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don’t you take it out?’

I regret I cannot’, lamented the first Arab. ‘It is permanently stuck in my ass.’

‘I do not understand,’ said the other.

The first Arab says, ‘I was walking along Bloor Street and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in Canadian Flag attire with a white beard and cowboy hat came boiling out. He said, ‘I am Captain Canada , the Genie. I can grant you one wish.’

I said, ‘No shit?’

A young girl was cooking a roast and cut the ends off of it and her husband told her she needs to leave it on as he thought it was the best part.

She told him that the roast wouldn’t come out perfect if she didn’t do it the way her Grandmother cooked it.

She had her family over for dinner and when the young woman put the roast on the table she told her Grandmother she hoped she made it like she always did?

Her Grandmother said “it was good but wondered why the ends where cut?”

The girl stated “that was the way she always seen her make it!”

The Grandmother said “child that was to make the roast fit into the pan”.

What is special about the Christmas alphabet?
It has NO EL.

What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
He likes to ho-ho-ho.

How does Santa Claus take photos?
With his North Pole-aroid. Read the rest of this entry »

There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party.

Half way there he said, “man i really gotta take a dump.” he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump.

While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said “There is no toilet paper… You have wipe your ass with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you.”

Well, he had no choice so he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them out the hole.

All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers.

The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers.

1. A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men… Read the rest of this entry »